Time Slowed

This has perhaps been the longest weekend of my life.  In fact, prior to this weekend I did not think it possible a weekend could feel long.  Usually one tries to pack in as much fun and activity as possible before Monday rolls around and even those weekends that one intentionally sets aside as a low key weekend-- slow cups of coffee, unstructured time and general lazing around-- those weekends go by equally quick, if not faster.  This weekend is different. I am actively trying to pass the time because I am in the darkest days post-chemo. 

I have an arsenal of prescription drugs to calm various side effects of chemotherapy.  Ibuprofen and loratadine for bone pain.  Ondansetron, lorazepam and prochlorperazine (in that order) for nausea and vomiting.  Docusate and polyethyleneglycol for constipation.  Loperamide for diarrhea.  Viscous lidocaine for mouth sores.  Various broths and teas when I can't bring myself to swallow anything esle.  Acupuncture, L-glutamine, and nutrient-dense foods to stay strong and prevent peripheral neuropathy and other complications. 

During round one, Igained experienced with these tinctures and treatments and done my best to find effective cocktails.  But here on day five after round two, I have learned that nothing takes bone pain or fatigue or weakness away, nothing except time.  And suddenly I find myself grateful that time can only go in one direction, forward.  And even when I feel the clock ticking at half pace, I find solace in its direction.  Time reliably passes.

For a moment yesterday I had an existential blunder where I felt guilt for wishing time away.  Everyone should be grateful for each moment, right?  Especially a cancer patient, I mean how rude to wishes minutes away?  Then I thought, that is bullshit.  Sitting on the sofa savoring a moment filled with sharp pain radiating through my legs, pelvis, and hands is masochistic and not helpful.
 
So now I have a new strategy: distract myself and allow time to pass on its own.  Napping, taking short walks, and watching movies surprisingly cannot fill the day.  So late Saturday, David and I moved on to Garage Band and created our first auditory masterpiece for iTunes.  As David figured out the mechanics of the Apple program I rested my head on the kitchen table.  We agreed on no retakes or advanced planning.  I did lead vocals and piano.  David did back-up vocals and bass.  One and a half hours passed, just like that.
 
https://www.box.com/s/d15eayc2t8q7ng6p8ikc

Depending upon how sensitive you are to poor pitch, the song may or may not pass your time quickly.