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Last time I had cancer I fought these simultaneously roles. I was a medical student being treated by my prominent Stanford professors. I tried to be brilliant rather than vulnerable. They tried to teach me rather than be saddened by my diagnosis. I broke up with my boyfriend because I loved him less than he loved me. I struggled with my parents who desperately tried to protect me from something overwhich they had no control, my own renegade cancer cells.
This time I realize I can be all of these things at once. Because if there is one thing I learned from my first cancer and then confirmed from caring for my patients in residency, is that life is exceedingly messy. Not just fingerpainting preschooler messy. An eight year old girl hula-hooping on the back of a lame horse navigating a mine field in order to save a kitten from a burning house kind of messy. You just got to hula-hoop and move towards the kitten. Life is an uncontrolled crossing.
Love your spirit; love your writing. I've got my pom poms out for cheerleading...Jes, Jes, Jes! xoxoxoxoxoxox
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